Let's Pretend!

I asked you last night, after much discussion of Tegan’s account: What does it mean to pretend, anyway?

Phenomenology has a wonderful way of convincing us that we don’t know nearly as much as we thought. And then, just as quickly, it has a wonderful way of reassuring us that we were knowledgeable all along. 

Most European languages I know make a distinction between knowing a fact and knowing a person. The latter type of knowing we can more easily render as being familiar with. 

So in phenomenology, we are not so much about making the familiar strange, but in making the familiar known. We are not attempting to “other” our experiences or our practices, but to bring them closer through language, and catch a glimpse of that which gives our everyday life its structure, meaning and purpose.

Our discussion last night really left me wondering: What does it mean to pretend?

As Van Manen has suggested, one route out of confusion is to turn to etymology. With it, we can see what words once meant in order to see what connections they might have once held to life.

Here is what I found:

pretend (v.)

late 14c., "to profess, assert, maintain" (a claim, etc.), "to direct (one's) efforts," from Old French pretendre "to lay claim," from Latin praetendere "stretch in front, put forward, allege," from prae "before" (see pre-) + tendere "to stretch," from PIE root *ten- "to stretch" (see tend).

Main modern sense of "feign, put forward a false claim" is recorded from c.1400; the older sense of simply "to claim" is behind the string of royal pretenders (1690s) in English history. Meaning "to play, make believe" is recorded from 1865. In 17c. pretend also could mean "make a suit of marriage for," from a sense in French. Related: Pretended; pretending.

We see, then, that our contemporary usages of “pretending”--as “lying” or even “playing”--are rather recent overlays of something more fundamental.

Pretend comes from the Latin, prae, before, and tendere, to stretch. Let us consider, then, the various older meanings of pretending, and in what ways this helps us illuminate the experience we were investigating in class last night:

• To profess, assert, maintain. The experience was one of maintaining that everything is NOT ok, of asserting the need to come to grips with the tragic.
• To direct (one’s) efforts. The experience was one of directing all attention toward “holding it together,” of “not losing it.” Doing so is meant as a loving act, a way of not giving in to despair.
• To lay claim. The experience was one of laying claim to a memory and a way of honoring that memory.

Pretending has negative connotations. Probably because it is mostly associated with children now, and most things associated with children we deem inappropriate for adults. Yet if Smith is right, it’s children who are best positioned to lead us back toward a better sense of the wonder and possibilities of the world.

So here’s to pretending--looked at in this light, it is a completely responsible reaction to a difficult life situation!